he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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