i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
