Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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