I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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