So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
