I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
