Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
