Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone came in the potted fern
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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