I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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