There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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