Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
