Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
