i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
