Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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