high people should be assigned attendants
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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