This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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