I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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