with your own penis?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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