After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
