11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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