He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
