Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
