I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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