Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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