we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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