im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
