Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize