I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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