I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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