Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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