why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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