Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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