in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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