I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize