girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize