remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
