is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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