she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
