you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
