i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
