This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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