But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
