she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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