Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
