a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
