a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
