dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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