They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
