I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't turn off my feet"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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