I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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