I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
