You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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