so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize