So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
