Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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