Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
