Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
