I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
