i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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