you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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