And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
someone owes me an orgasm
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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