I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
