your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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