oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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