My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
