Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
did you just send me my own nude
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
