don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
