i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
