i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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