i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Boobs are out for the taking
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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