I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
