She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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